Wednesday, May 30, 2007

my room's picture collage!

our group!

gwen's group.

afiqah's.

jessica's group.

months and more months. it took me this long to realise that i'm not for commitment. you can't even be the last. everything had been a mistake, i made a mistake. a mistake i cannot bear to correct, to let go. sigh. i'm sorry. sorry for all the times i've been so mean on purpose, ignoring you when i feel like it, pushing you away when i want to. now, i do not know what i want out of you, out of us. or whether there would be an ending to this. and perhaps, both of us barely care enough to think hard, real hard about whats going on. i'm tired, too tired to even decide. not that i was ever decisive. on the other hand, we all know, i'm afraid, afraid to lose you, afraid to be alone. i guess thats all that left for me to hold on, to pick up the missing pieces, and build it up again.

dear God, teach me to be decisive, to do whats right, to believe in myself and know that i'm in you, i'm wonderfully made, and give me the strength to let go when i'm supposed to. i trust, in You.

3:58 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

i've been sleeping at like 6plus for the past threee days its actually amazing i'm awake now and blogging. we went round blocks today pose pretty and talked nicely inviting people to our school's carnival. peiying kept flirting! which i think helped because louis and yanhan sold nothing. i told them it was the problem with their face :D went for ebay awhile later. all the way to simei ite >.< TIRING. i was hoping for some buffet when i saw the table and stuff all set up outside the function room. end of seminar! nothing :( OKAY I'M ON A DIET. supposingly.

the past few days suck. my dad's pissed at me. i get no allowance from him. he refuses to talk to me. i cant remember any dance step i have learnt last friday. ROD's a week away. plus i have ebay and chongfu camp. and all of these are to take place in June. sigh. let me breathe.

i'm on the edge. and all i get is pressure, more and more pressure. hurt, and more hurt. each time i get put down, the raw and biting fear would overwhelm leaving me to cry out. it keeps building up. each time i fail, each time i stumble. when, how long..? i dare not come close. i'm ashamed. ashamed of my dreams. why dream? why try? when history merely repeats itself. my dear, you're too slow, just too slow.

catch me. i'm ready to fall.

Labels: the silhouette of my reality.

5:39 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

i think i'm mad. the politically right thing i should be doing is to drool over the hot guy acting next to her in 200 pound beauty. except i dont find him that desirable. i would rather drool with admiration and envy at her anytime.

and here's her voice to go along (:

Kim Ah Joong - Byu...

unfocused. unclear. out of control.

my reason, my logic, like fine sands running through my hands, i'm losing my mind.

6:38 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

a wall of shear water, its now time to cry. says:
OMG SHAUNICE TEN
a wall of shear water, its now time to cry. says:
WHEN IS URE BDAE? YTD TODAY?
a wall of shear water, its now time to cry. says:
YOU SUCK MAN
+shaunice+ (: says:
TODAY
a wall of shear water, its now time to cry. says:
WHY NEVER SAY~
+shaunice+ (: says:
AND YOU KUKU
+shaunice+ (: says:
NOOOO
a wall of shear water, its now time to cry. says:
SORRY SORRY
+shaunice+ (: says:
YOU DONT KNOW AND YOU DONT KNOW???
+shaunice+ (: says:
))))))))))))):
a wall of shear water, its now time to cry. says:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHAUNICE TEN :D

the most handsome, charming, and lovely prince on earth! just for today :D sorry i'm a lil late >.< i didnt forget! i just didnt know :(

youre fifteen! haha. thank you for always being there when i need you. thank you for all your lame jokes, and how you would yell my name across the corridor and wave with such enthusiasim, you should see the expression on your face when i dont say hello back! oh rememember the times in camp? and how you gave me the name fat princess! ohboy i'll never forget the fun we had (: even though youre pretty much of an asshole at times, know that i love you to bits (:

4:23 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Monday, May 07, 2007

i hate maths.

one day when i grow old and i'm prepared to die, i will rave about the simplicity of amaths. even if i'm gonna get a zero for years down the road. so there.

the swirling abyss lies before me.
beckoning,
taunting,
calling my name.

9:45 PM
upon life's envious stage.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

attempt to study: FAILED.
main reason: JESSICA TOH (:

i was supposed to spent my weekend mugging >.< ended up distracted instead. we took like a zillion pictures and studied for like 10minutes out of a few hours. eh. i think jessica and weiqi studied for barely a minute laaa. anyway, we gave up studying and went to northpoint to slack. shopped arund for weiqi's pressie before meeting elisha.

thank you gwen weiqi and jessica for helping me with the gift and the toilet thing (:

caught spiderman with elisha lin. elisha lin was late, and my phone was conveniently out of batt. it was crazy i tell you. that no sense of timing guy was obviously not smart enough to ask me beforehand where the theater was when he had no idea where it was. and we were like late when we finally found each other.

still say traffic jam all. ass :D

2:44 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Friday, May 04, 2007

after like 2516130344 hours, i finally managed to find back my own blogskin ==" this is the result of being hopeless at blogs luh.

9:02 AM
upon life's envious stage.

shermaine is bored. shermaine wants to shop. shermaine is hungry. shermaine cannot study because its a friday. shermaine is rotting her time away infront of the computer.
shermaine shermaine shermaine! EH. nothing to do laa, boo :(

i got this from jessica eariler, its damn amusing >.< ima ghost :D

Labels: serendipity.

1:57 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

i was making an ATTEMPT to change my blog's layout when i accidentally deleted the tagboard. and now i'm too lazy to put it back :D anyway it makes no difference laaa.

i'm gna flunk chemistry. like BIGGGG time. study so hard also no time do! sigh. walked round northpoint for hours today with jessica and weiqi to get gwen's present. eh. kept sidetracking la. we saw this big big big mother's day card that costs 22.80. its huge. i wouldve considered buying it eariler if not for the fact that my mum's been pretty mean lately. what force me eat the laksa with oil more than the oilest, pig? on earth. and it tastes like diluted water with colouring. she wants me to die of oil.

ehh after the shopping part, they went over to my house. we were like poring over all my stuff from the past. presents cards all. ah. some memories will never be forgotten (:

i will sing of the mercies of the Lord forever. with my mouth will i make thy faithfulness to all generations.

Pslam 89:1

5:52 AM
upon life's envious stage.