Monday, March 26, 2007

i wish life could be as simple as you.

when will i see the light, huh.

SCREW LIFE

i hate you, and everything you own. thank you for ruining my life, thank you for giving me hopes and destroying them again and again. thank you for that huge blow. for letting me know i'm useless. fucking useless.

1:52 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELISHA LIN (:
i wrote you a long card aldry, and i meant everything, loveya!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AFIQAH :D
heh. be nicer and stop hitting me laa, bless you!

tag replies:
darren: i'm NOT lame, youre still dao, but improved, be grateful!
your prince: ayee you, too skinny princesses are not a pretty sight, youve such a perfect princess aldry orh.
elisha: <3

4:25 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

i've been pushed down so many times,
i feel this time will be the last,
as I lay here fading,
my thoughts are invaded by memories of my past,
i feel the pressures of shame and rejection building,
as I lay here on the floor,
i have no strength to get up,
i'm not worth it anymore.

even with you, i'm a pretence.

2:28 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

ah, bliss.

tag repiles:
elisha:yes yes i love you toooo :D
_hann:lol. uhhhhuh, ditto (:
delon: eh what. rocks are more useful anyway!
bored kid: huh?

8:46 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DELON!
ahh, you joker, thank you for always cheering me up when i'm down :D

tag replies:
darren:i'm not lame! better then you and the stupid turtle what dont care all! (:
weiqi: heeeh. i know i rock, yes you rock toooo, everyone in 3e5 rocks la<3
turtle: hancai is the ugliest turtle in the entire world :D and my eyes are perfectly fineee!
melanieeeeee: ah, we're good friends you know. we dont need links, you know i love you (: i'm too lazy anyway, heh.

12:04 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

i couldnt get to sleep and i decided to go online, with no intention of talking to anyone cause i expected my online list to be practically empty. ah. proves how long i havent been online after eleven. i just read the little prince. grownups, stereotypes, the world. i could babble on and on about the inspirational stories the little prince speaks of. i reckon i havent really got the hand of what the whole book's talking about, but i like how the little prince can look at the world, at everything, in such a different angle. how he could make a dream, a thing so little to us of utmost importance. childlike innocence, perhaps.

i don't know what i want, i don't know how to face up to problems and handle them with wisdom yet. all my life i've been using i dont knows, hoping to scrape out of whatever difficulties i encounter with the three simple words. its been serving me pretty well, except i never learn, i never change. now these three words, leaves me alone tonight, thinking, realising how much hurt i've caused, because of what i don't know.

quoted from The Little Prince:

you run the risk of a few tears, when you allow yourself to be tamed.

8:53 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

CAMP WAS TORTURE,but i love my class, yes :D
3,2,1 HUAT AH!

there were noooo mirrors in the campsite.
my sunburn almost killed me.
my neck is swollen and i can't figure why.
I WAS DEPRIVED OF FOOD.
night hikes are boring laaaa. mine was.
i havent had a decent bath during the camp.
i climbed a mountain, fine, hilll. its 3times the height of bukit timah hill okay!
i found the purpose of life through a mudhead's nonsense.
we build a raft that collapsed each time we tried to set it out. heh.
i was freaking homesick. i missed home. and elisha :D
the stars in malaysia are a whole lot nicer, plus more! not fair.
i wash my hair in the basin. actually, afiqah helped, thank you (:
i cannot row a boat >.<
i do not like campfires.
i suck at rafting. ken isnt any better!
i'm shagged.
my class was the motivation<3 wendy's the best tent ic ever!
THANK GOD, for all You've done.

ah that was to sum up almost everything that happened in camp. now i'm home, and i couldnt be any happier :D
oh and darren you're not dao anymore! thats a compliment (:

you cry for help,
but you know they don't hear.
they're just too far,
when you thought they were near.

1:05 AM
upon life's envious stage.

Monday, March 05, 2007

i'm depressed :D
no, i just cry in every five minutes and laugh in the next five.

yes, being emo is not cool, being emo dosent make maths seem any nicer, being emo wont change the zero on my amaths paper to ten, not that ten means a pass.

hell. i'm not that strong. i'm not strong enough to accept that whatever hard work and effort i've put in during the last two years just went down the drain because i'm simply not good enough. i'm not strong enough to look at my zero and laugh it off thinking magically everything would turn out fine in the end. i'm not strong enough to face up to my endless sins without blaming God when something goes wrong when i refuse to repent. i'm not strong enough to look at these marks, at my unfulfilled life and still be confident of who i am. i'm not strong enough to take in all these shocks and move on within a few days. i'm not strong.

why me, then, why?

5:48 AM
upon life's envious stage.